Life is full of opposites: light / dark; happy / sad; good / bad. Under stress we might see aspects of ourselves that we do not like. This is alright, as long as dark feelings are examined and brought into the light. It is only when these feelings are hidden that they can cause harm.
I have synaesthesia (intermingling or involuntary joining of senses). I used to find this confusing and frustrating, particularly during childhood, because sometimes I perceived the world in a different way and others could not understand me. Now I believe this enriches my life and I can do something positive with it. There may be a connection between this and my paintings. I believe we all have an inner colour world and that colour 'speaks' to us.
Painting for me has become a way of coming to terms with life. It has allowed me to give full expression to my feelings. After painting the first two pictures the others painted themselves, they were never planned. I usually paint after healing or meditating when my mind is completely clear. I forget everything around me. It is just me and the paint. I feel free and let the paint flow. Sometimes I look at the painting next day and think to myself 'I painted that' or do not remember how I did it. These paintings come from the deepest part of my being, my Soul.
I have learned:
- to live in the present and make the most of every day and to do something for myself that I enjoy, eg be in touch with nature, listen to my favourite music or read poetry. I need to use my senses. I have found that sometimes when listening to classical music, I see moving pictures. I will now start painting with music, eg Mozart, Handel's Water Music or Jazz to see what happens.
- to move on with no regrets, forgive myself and others. The past is the past, the future will look after itself and I will deal with it at the right time. It is only now that matters. I realise it is not how long I live that is important, but how to make the best of the time I have. I have had such a rich, full and interesting life. On occasion it has been painful, but through the painful times I have learned to appreciate the good times. We all have to live with pain and sorrow at some time in our lives, but I have discovered that in the midst of difficulty lies opportunity to grow.
- to be loving and kind to people around me, and also to nurture myself in a loving, caring way eg healthy eating, exercises etc;
- That it is not for other people to make me happy - my happiness comes from within. I feel this is important to understand. I see now that it is not what happened to me that matters, but how I reacted to it, again something new for me. I feel I can now live my life in a way that feels right for me, as long as no one is hurt in the process. I realise that to be happy I have to value, care for, and accept myself as I am. Treating myself with respect is also important, eg if I say I am going to do something, then I will make sure I do it so that I do not lose my self-respect;
- that what annoys me in others could be a reflection of something within myself. Now, if this happens, I know I can turn it around, look in on myself from the outside and learn something about myself. I can also put myself in the other person's shoes to try and see things from their point of view. All of this is helpful to me.
I have grown in awareness and inner strength through grief and pain. It has made me who I am, I can use this as a healer. I have no need to control what happens around me any more. I have learned to be aware of my feelings, and to surrender and trust. My creativity has blossomed in many directions. Now I just feel happy ... being.
This is what I feel is best for me, but we all have different needs. It is important to find out what they are. Just a few small changes to start with can make life better
My deepest longing is for a peaceful harmonious life. I feel that I have come through a long tunnel into the light and have found inner stillness and peace. I have come home to myself. I was always too busy to be calm before, but now I find stillness each day. I am experiencing golden moments, inner bliss, and incredible joy inside just waiting to bubble out.
I have put names on my paintings because this is what they mean to me, although they might mean something else to others. We all see different things at different times, so keep an open mind and allow them to 'speak' to you. Anyone who feels drawn to painting should 'have a go'. You might enjoy it, and it could make you feel better. It is so exciting to try something different and new.
As well as channeling healing, I would like to help people to empower themselves. I hope that my journey to healing through painting will help someone, somewhere. This has been my aim.
Cecilia Glencross has been interested in healing and the holistic approach to health for over 18 years and frequently attends many courses to gain more knowledge on the subject.
This article was first published in the August 2003 issue of 'Healing Today'. Phone 0845 1232777 for details.
